You’ll never forget a patient like me

So today, I went on an extra ED shift. I’ve been on Ward Call for the past 4 weeks, but decided on one of my days off, I’d pick up an extra ED shift for some extra pocket money (really helpful when you’re about to go on a date soon).

With the large amount of patient’s you see in ED, one is bound to find a few crazies in there. And today, I found a crazy. Not violent crazy, but pleasant crazy in a way that is just entertaining.

So I see a woman in her mid 30’s present due to a laceration of the right knee. Chased some kids up an escalator, and had a tumble, gashing it open. Why was she chasing the children? I don’t know. But she told me she had some alcohol prior, so maybe it’s alcohol induced laceration.

Anyway, I knew she was slightly crazy when she asked for something stronger than paracetamol.

“Doctor, this is the most interesting thing medically that has happened to me. Can you please give me something strong? Something like pethidine, or some knock out gas would do.”

“Erm…. No. We don’t even use pethidine anymore here in hospital. I can give you some paracetamol and ibuprofen.”

“But, but, I’ve made a massive gash in my knee! Surely it warrants something stronger than paracetamol and ibuprofen!”

“Well, I’ll be putting local anaesthetic in, so that should numb the pain when I stitch it up.”

“Can you please put in like twice the amount usual for your other patients?”

“We’ll see how things go as I inject.”

She later on reminded me a further 2 times about how pethidine or something “strong” would be great for her knee.

And so afterwards, with the laceration exposed after unwrapping bandages, I asked my registrar to cast an eye on it to decide best which stitch pattern to use (I thought I might have needed a vertical mattress, but turns out all simple interrupted sutures were all that were needed).

After my registrar left, the patient said “wow, that doctor looks grumpy. I wouldn’t want him to be doing this procedure.”

Later on as I’m stitching “Geez, that other doctor, is he always that grumpy? He looks permanently angry. He’s actually kind of cute though. Is he single, is he married?”

“By the way, are you single or married?”

Good grief…..

After putting in 8 stitches, the patient thought that falling on an escalator to make the gash in the knee was too boring of a story. So I suggested to her that maybe she could tell people that after having some alcohol, she decided she needed to do battle with the evil escalator, and in the end, knee vs escalator left her knee smashed up at the end.

“Hahaha. I bet you’ll never forget me as your patient. I’m so interesting, and you’ll remember me forever!”

Ha. Yes, she was right. I won’t forget her. But you’ll remembered as that “crazy lady with right knee gash from escalator”. And she gets to be memorialized in my blog as well.

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