Year Long Sacrifice

Reflecting back on the events of this year, I’m amazed at how fast time has gone.

First comes the moving back to the big city from a regional centre, then comes the job applications and interviews for general practice positions, and now finally, I have finished my paediatrics diploma in child health exam! Well, to be more precise I sat the exam on Friday, and only had time to write about it now. I’m such a bad blogger :p

No more needing to rush home to study paediatrics. No more weekends spent listening to online lectures. No more stress!

I was lucky to have been able to take an entire week out to study, which was really helpful. My work colleague jokingly told me off on the bus after the exam, saying how busy it got in obstetrics and gynaecology without me. She ended up having to do my postnatal checks in addition to hers. But, I had to do that for a week before, when one of the previous residents resigned as well. So in my defence, I can at least say I’ve done the work before.

But after all this, I feel like I need to start preparing for study for general practice… A life in medicine entails exams till you’re at least 30 years old.

Now, at least I can come home without need to worry about intense study at least. I can study at a somewhat more relaxed pace for general practice.


Changes In Place

How time has flown. It has been a month since working at the big metropolitan city. Work seems to be hectic at times, sometimes even stressful. I have become more senior, but I some how still don’t feel ready. It’s that anxiety all over again. Am I good enough in the eyes of others around me?

What has been reassuring I suppose, was the revelation that I was still¬† expected to discuss every single paediatric case with either the registrar or consultant. This was revealed to me just a week ago when I had to meet my supervisor. What a relief in knowing that I wasn’t expected to be managing cases all on my own.

What still makes me extremely anxious, is in venepuncture. With 8 year olds+, I’m reasonably ok, but it’s the little babies that still worries me. If I miss, I’ll have to call a senior doctor given that it is incredibly distressing for the babies and the parents. I would like to, no in fact, I need the practice,¬† but every time the mother says something like “oh yea, he’s really difficult and it would be best if an experienced doctor could do it”, so I always end up asking the registrar.

I also find that 10 hour shifts seems a bit long, in that when I finish work, I find I have no time to relax. Well, it’s the pace that it works at, and I suppose I’ll have to adapt.

Another 2 and a bit hours and I’ll be heading to work. Not feeling entirely 100% since I have been recovering from a cold (I had to take yesterday off due to illness), but I still have to go.

I wonder what else I can do to break the routine of work and just home? Perhaps some volunteer work? Perhaps join some local clubs (where I can possibly meet the love of my life?) I think I need to find a girlfriend this year.

That Bastard!

Meeting up with a colleague for dinner a few nights ago, I was reminded of how smooth life can be at times. Here I was, little worries (since it was after work) and chilling at dinner with a friend.

My friend looks at me with a serious expression on her face.

“I’ve got something to tell you, but please don’t tell anyone else.”

“Yea, sure” I reply casually.

“You know X, one of our colleagues from the Emergency Department? She has resigned due to the pressure put on her by one of the consultants. She’s now got depression. I saw her at the supermarket the other day, and she looked like a lost soul”

I looked at her with a bewildered expression. I remembered that colleague. She was nice and friendly, although I had only spoken to her like 3 or 4 times. I thought back to my interactions with that particular consultant, and reeled with disgust. He often put the junior staff down, and humiliated them in front of other doctors. I hated presenting cases to him, because he would constantly interrupt my flow of thought, and point out my mistakes. He was rude and disrespectful.

I felt sad too for my colleague who was now suffering depression from such a horrible human being. I couldn’t imagine what suffering she must have put up with, the tortures of putting up with such a man.

My friend and I both sat in silence for a while.

We both hoped karma would come back and get this man for his horrible actions. I don’t know what else to do to help. I felt wronged by this man, and I’m sure several junior doctors have suffered immensely from him as well. But I don’t know what to do. The environment in ED is just toxic, and days have come and gone where I question my abilities, I question why I am still doing medicine.

Are there things we are just supposed to put up with such as these? I’m going to be dealing with this man again probably next year. If I report him early and he loses his job, I won’t have to see him again next year.

I don’t know what to do.